Feeling the need to be in control is a natural instinct. It provides a sense of security and predictability. But here’s the twist: when we try to control everything—every detail, every outcome—we inadvertently create unnecessary stress and anxiety. It’s like gripping the steering wheel too tightly, fearing any deviation from our planned route.
Why We Cling to Control: The Fear Factor
Our desire for control is deeply rooted. Imagine it as our primal brain whispering, “know your surroundings, and you’ll survive.” The more we understand, the safer we feel. Conversely, uncertainty triggers fear—the fear of what might happen beyond our grasp.
But here’s the paradox: true peace lies in letting go.
Surrendering the illusion of total control can be liberating. It’s like releasing a helium balloon—watching it float away, unburdened by our grip.
What can increase or want to control?
1- The Anxiety Connection
Anxiety amplifies this need for control. Uncertainty becomes an itch we can’t scratch. We worry about future events, replay scenarios, and rehearse contingency plans. Yet, ironically, this hyper-vigilance often backfires, leaving us drained and anxious.
2- Trauma’s Grip on Control
Past trauma tightens the reins. If we’ve weathered storms, we become vigilant captains, scanning the horizon for signs of danger. PTSD survivors know this well—their hypervigilance a constant hum, ready to react to any threat
3- Insecure Attachment: Love and Control
Insecure attachment styles—like anxious attachment fuel the need to micromanage. Fear of abandonment drives us to hold tight, scrutinizing every move. But sometimes, loosening our grip allows love to breathe
KAITLYN SANDHER COUNSELLING 
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